What single workplace activity can result in emotional stress, disruptions, decreased productivity, project failure, absenteeism, turnover, and termination?  SHRM shared the answer: conflict. 

Conflict is normal in any professional environment, but how it’s handled can dictate the success or failure of individuals, teams, and your entire organization.

Most conflicts can be resolved with time, clear communication, and the right tools. Here are five ways to de-escalate conflict in the workplace. 

Use Communication Tools 

One of the biggest sources of conflict is miscommunication. If people aren’t on the same page, every part of their work becomes harder, from collaboration to engagement to professional development. The good news is that when communication is a priority, it positively impacts all of those factors and gives a workplace positive momentum. 

There are a variety of tools that can help increase clarity and understanding at work. You can de-escalate conflict in the workplace with an assessment such as DISC, which gives your team a shared language to describe their individual communications styles. 

For example, using DISC methodology, if an Outgoing communicator has a misunderstanding with a Reserved communicator, each party has a different approach to resolve the conflict. Outgoing communicators prefer in-person discussions, fast-paced conversation, and a casual environment, whereas Reserved communicators prefer to be socially discreet and restrained. You can see how these natural preferences could cause conflict when they’re not understood by the other party.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Questions are key to conflict resolution. Instead of being prescriptive or demanding, focus on trying to understand the other party by asking them to share their perspective. 

While doing this, avoid asking simple yes or no questions. Try starting with ‘how’ or ‘what’ to open up the conversation. 

For example, instead of asking, “Are you mad at me?” or “Why did my action upset you?” you could say, “How did it make you feel when I did that?” or “What would you like me to do differently moving forward?” 

Make sure to focus on active listening as well during conflict resolution; if you’re just waiting for your turn to speak instead of taking in what the other person is sharing, then you’re setting yourself up for more misunderstandings and conflict in the future. 

Reframe Conflict to Problem-Solving 

Reframe your perception of the conflict itself. Instead of approaching it from a ‘you versus me’ perspective, look at it as ‘us versus the problem’. “Come at it from curiosity,” said Chris Young of The Rainmaker Group. “By suspending judgment, I can try to figure out where someone else is coming from, instead of relying on my own interpretation of their actions.” 

Young advises reframing what he calls the fundamental attribution error. “We have a tendency to attribute our misdeeds to circumstances and others' misdeeds to their character,” he explained. “With us, it’s a miscommunication. With other people, it’s an integrity issue.” 

Focusing on fixing the issue instead of assigning blame is an effective way to de-escalate conflict. 

Know When to Involve a Mediator

“In my experience, most people bring in a mediator far too late in the process,” Young said. “Instead of waiting until someone is ready to leave, bring in a mediator as soon as possible. A preventative approach can help resolve conflict before people are hurt, frustrated, and disengaged.” 

Ensure that expectations for the mediator and the people involved in the conflict are clear. Both parties should agree on working with the mediator; if you force their participation, the conflict might escalate. Focus on confidentiality and open discussion in the mediation process—meeting in a neutral location can help set a clean slate and defuse intra-office tension. 

It can be valuable to bring in an external mediator, like a trusted coach or consultant. This outside expert can bring a fresh perspective to the conflict without organizational baggage or conflicting interests. It can also create efficiency, since HBR reports that conflict resolution can consume up to 40% of a manager’s time. Additionally, if the manager isn’t trained in mediation techniques, there is a chance they could extend the conflict or make it worse!

Make a Plan Together 

Stick the landing in conflict resolution by making a plan together! Instead of dictating the outcome of the conflict, make sure each party feels understood and adequately represented in the de-escalation process. 

Here are some questions to get the conversation started: 

• How does each person want to be communicated with in the future? 
• When are we checking in with each other after this? 
• Does everyone have what they need to move forward confidently? If not, what do you need? 

“When conflict isn’t properly addressed, people build internal workarounds,” Young explained. “They avoid conflict and ‘problem people’ by finding a way to move forward, regardless of whether it's the right way to operate. The best ideas can’t come in that environment.” 

Make sure everyone agrees on how to move forward and has the support to do so. If you worked with a mediator, make time for the people in conflict to meet with them after the initial conflict resolution to track progress. 

Finally, it’s important to remember that conflict isn’t necessarily bad. “Idealogical conflict, which is conflict around ideas, not people, can be beneficial for organizations to get the best ideas implemented,” Young explained. “What’s important is what you make of conflict and how you move forward.” 

Are you interested in using assessments to de-escalate conflict in the workplace? We can help.